Jo and Rob got married

4th April 2012 - Red letter day for Robert Duncumb and his new wife Jo. They got married in the Temple of Apollo at Stourhead with 30 of us crammed into a tiny, circular and somewhat chilly room lit only from a circular opening in the dome and what little light could make it through the doorway. I was chosen to be Rob's best man, quite a privilege in my opinion as Rob is certainly not short of friends.
This gave me a front row seat in the proceedings, which meant that I could hear all that was said by bride and groom and the registrar and assistant. Everyone gets a bit tongue tied in these situations, even the registrar, but I was happy to witness that I had seen a wonderful event, the joining of two people who are so in love.


The photos (as usual) seemed to take a long time and we were all getting somewhat chilly by the time we set off on a 'round the lake' walk, calling in at all the grottos and stopping for a photo call on the bridge (normally closed to visitors and out of bounds)

There was some hilarity as many of us had been issued with those bubble-making devices though I had little luck with mine. A little light rain was starting to fall but it was such a nice occasion that no-one minded at all.
After the walk we all arrived in the function room of the Spread Eagle Inn in Stourton village which is a lovely pub, carefully kept up to feel old while staying in the modern era to cater for a massive clientele which visit during the course of a year.
The food was superb and Robert, Jo and I got up and made short speeches. I am not a confident public speaker but I felt as if I had done my bit quite well. Then we chatted to old friends until quite late in the evening. Many of the guests were staying in the Spread Eagle and surrounding cottages but we drove back to Chippenham. I was quite glad that Lynne had volunteered to drive as I was quite exhausted but elated by having had such a great day with my favourite people.

Ridgeway 40

Ridgeway 40 was, well, 40 miles...unless you are Jason Harrison who decided (for the second year running!) to park at the finish and run to the start of the event making his total for the weekend, and without sleep, a grand total of 80 miles.
I was on a voyage of discovery, to see what it would be like to go on past the marathon distance so I wasn't much worried about speed or times so I kept company with the increasingly knackered Jas. Actually running on past 26 miles, then 30, 36, and eventually 40 miles was no problem at all and I know I could have done another 10 miles. (but only at gunpoint)
It was a good event with drinks and cakes etc at regular checkpoints. The checkpoints were mostly an exercise in accounting for the walkers and runners and caused some delay as runners are forced to queue with everyone else (it is principally a walk, not a run) but later in the event the runners become the leaders on the road and the delays at the checkpoints were mostly self imposed as we became less and less hurried, preferring to linger over a piece of swiss roll and a mug of tea.
I was very pleased to be able to run at a (for me) great rate for the last two miles, finishing in a lather of sweat at about the same speed as I might have finished a 10km race.
Good day out - no idea of actual time but it was just under ten hours. An hour could be knocked off that easily without the extended chats at the check points. Glad I did it but it wasn't really a race. Not really an issue when you consider yourself lucky to get in the top half of the field!

Reaffirmation

I can’t remember a year when spring has sprung so ecstatically and I have enjoyed it so much. Last year was a grim year for personal reasons and it was topped off with a gruelling winter. The spring was always going to be a welcome re-awakening but the unusually warm and dry conditions seem to have made it all the more of a triumph.
As the season has progressed I have got out and about as a runner and have run in six races, already a total of 90 miles racing though and while it hasn’t been fast or even very successful it has been a real source of pride.
Running is a very engrossing sport, so much so that I have started to think of myself as an ‘ex-cyclist’, quite unthinkable even a short while ago. However this Easter break has been unusual in being followed so swiftly by the May Day bank holiday and, in between, a Royal Wedding. This has given me the opportunity to get on with all sorts of things that were getting neglected, including some cycling.
I went out this morning on the ‘Canary’, what a novelty – variable gears, brakes that work, wheels that are true – a genuine miracle since some restorative work on the ageing workhorse. The bike felt good and so did the morning with the illusion of a tailwind for nearly all the ride. (Or am I just as strong as an ox? – Yes; that must be it!)
Wiltshire may not have a Tizi-n-Test or a Stelvio tucked away in its vales and downs but on a beautiful British spring day it still takes some beating. (Yes; I’d rather have been bumping along the Kerry Ridge, but I wasn’t!) I trundled up through the lanes from ‘Chippers’ to Grittleton and Malmesbury and returned via the Somerfords, great weather, felt good, even the motorists were on their best behaviour. In short, no; I am not an ex-cyclist. How could that ever be?
Oh, and I am 54 years old today. Life is good.

Lynne crossing bridge at Horner Water

2011 - Some resolutions.

I'm not going to beat myself up about it, or savage anyone else, but I'm part of the problem, and maybe part of the solution.
This thing they have started to tell us about how many Planet Earths we need to keep going as we are, even if the developing nations don't join in the race to own, possess, consume, this 'how many Planet Earths' thing has me rattled.

Yet we continue to expand, both numerically and materially, while shrinking in so many ways spiritually and intellectually.
We all want more, but do we need more; is more better for us? I took stock of the footwear situation this morning as I performed the daily contortion into the shoe cupboard. Imelda Marcos would be proud of such a kindred spirit! Do I really need so many shoes? (and most of those shoes were mine, not Lynne's or Lisa's) Do I really need FIVE pairs of running shoes? (oddly I now only have one pair of cycling shoes - how things can change!)

Shoes are just the tip of the iceberg. Clothing generally I have in 'an adequate sufficiency' and I could (and will!) go on. Why have I got two guitars? I can't play two guitars at once. In fact my detractors (Yes; I have detractors.) would say that I can't even play ONE guitar at once...

In short our cupboards, shelves, the garage, the shed, the loft, the boot of the car (Yes; we have two cars, plus Henry Honda) are all groaning with stuff we don't really need. I have books I could have borrowed from the library, records I've only listened to once (records I've not listened to all the way through even) tools and bike bits that were Dad's and I can't bear to throw away, enough bikes to hold a major stage race, maybe not the TdF but Ras De Cymru at least, gardening stuff too plentiful to shoe-horn into the garden shed, we have guinea pigs, a cat and fleas consuming for all they're worth too. The garden itself was once productive farmland, an orchard in fact. Now it produces little that is edible, consumes peat, fuel, resources and time. It is our buffer to keep the human race at arm's length. I expect that the human race out there feels just the same about me.

I'm not going to beat myself up about it but I resolve to try in my own small way to consume less of this world and leave a bit for the others, those alive now and those to follow. I plan to use up what I have before buying more, I plan to give away or sell (Selling is good, ; it release funds for... er... more buying!) that which I know I have no further use for; I plan to buy in the future only that which is really the best for the purpose and not clutter my life with pointless ownership, a vexation on the spirit. Most of all I plan to never again treat shopping as a form of entertainment - Get a life, Ian!

Ride Across Britain 2010

A text message from Robert D. arrived; it changed everything. Did I want to be a driver for the Deloitte 'Ride Across Britain'? "Sounds interesting" thought I, but being an older and wiser soul than I once was, I wasn't about to plunge into anything daft. Over the next few hours however, I talked myself into it, my powers of reasoning compromised by my sense of adventure.

My role would be to drive the 'Broom Wagon', traditionally the last vehicle following a race, its purpose to sweep up the riders who cannot continue. I had visions of a crowd of us, maybe 25 or so, pedalling staunchly across Scotland, England and Wales while 'yours truly' appeared from time to time with a flask of soup, having read another chapter of War and Peace in a lay-by somewhere. I got a bit of a rude awakening, on that score at least, when I learned that over 600 people were participating in the event. Suddenly I realised that War and Peace would be too long for the available free time.

In fact, the broom wagon consisted of two vehicles. One was a Transit van in which I would be sharing the driving with Joe, a young man who is normally to be found working for the people who publish your Cycling Weekly. The other vehicle was a minibus, driven by Jeremy, Shane or Andy, members of Chippenham Wheelers all.

On the journey from Andy's house to John O'Groats (via Hamilton in southern Scotland) the minibus also carried a group of cyclists known as Andy's Angels. These were the chaperones, experienced riders who would accompany the riders in the Ride Across Britain, many of whom had little idea what they were actually doing! The chaperone group consisted of Paul, Gordon, Rob D, Nick, Mike, Richard, Shane, Jeremy and Andy from the Chippenham Wheelers and a group from the London area called Chippo, Tony and Rob W. The bikes and baggage travelled with us in the van.

For most of the trip we would be camping, and I suppose that I hadn't given much thought as to what the camp-sites would be like. I knew it would be colder that far north and had packed two sleeping bags which I used one inside the other. My jaw dropped as we entered John O'Groats and I took in the reality of a camp-site for over 700 people flung down in one of the wildest settlements in Britain. The circus had certainly come to town, that's for sure. There were some very large tents indeed, including a huge marquee for the kitchen and dining area, a giant treble wigwam containing TVs and a bar, a medical and massage tent, a drying-room tent, an office, a baggage tent, and the Halfords workshop. Of course there were the usual toilets and showers. A whole secure area had been set aside for the racking of 600 bicycles - well over a million pounds worth! Oh yes, and then there were the tents - rows and rows of green two-man tents and more rows of blue tents, bigger to hold four people. The tents were of the self erecting sort. Putting up all these tents would otherwise have been a monster task. It probably was anyway!
The daylight lasts all night in those northern latitudes and, having arrived in good time anyway, we set about exploring the metropolis which is John O'Groats. Five minutes later we had done with exploring, so we met in the cafe, the famous John O'Groats hotel being derelict and ringed with safety fencing. The weather was turning wet and the wind was rising, the nearby Orkney Islands disappearing and reappearing numerous times in the squally mist. (We told Joe the islands were Norway. He seemed happy with that.)
During the night the wind continued to rise and the temperature dropped. The scene in the entertainments tent was reminiscent of a disaster refugee camp with bodies huddled in blankets everywhere you looked. I went to bed, not in one of the tents, but in the van. Even in the van it was perishingly cold. The only things I took off were my shoes. The wind made the van rock; we moved it as close as possible to the minibus so that the two vehicles would shelter each other. During the night I was kept awake by a lot of swearing and shouting. At first I thought it was some brave souls partying at the edge of the earth. Later I realised that the Halfords workshop team had spent the night hanging on to their workshop tent to stop it lifting off and flying all the way to 'Norway'.

Morning came early to the Ride Across Britain. Reveillez was sounded on the public address system, a different rock song each day. Coming at about 5.30am, I failed to see anything amusing in it. However I had one personal ambition, to run at John O'Groats and I set off along the beach and out to Duncansby Head lighthouse. Along the way I passed primroses flowering. In southern England summer was in full spate. In northern Scotland it was still early spring.
On my return to the camp a journalist stopped me and asked if I was really jogging before a 1000 mile bike ride. I was tempted to bask in some sort of false glory but I admitted instead that I was just the driver and he lost interest in me in an instant.

Each day of the ride had its own character but essentially they followed a pattern dictated by the role Joe and I were playing.
The day would start with that early morning call which blared out briefly and without regard to the poor souls who lived nearby. I slept through it most mornings. The van was light tight, sound tight and pretty nearly air-tight. Somehow we survived until each morning. Eventually my bladder would insist that I get up and wander across to the toilets. On the days when I was not frozen to the marrow I would have a shower. In the mornings the crew had priority in the showers, whereas the riders had priority in the evenings. The cleaners were eagerly dismantling the showers and the toilet blocks from an early hour so once the riders had left, the showers were unavailable. Same story to some extent with the food and the toilets. Luckily we were in a good position to divert from the route and use the toilets in such places as Tescos in Thurso. (A strange Tescos where I bought a bar of chocolate and a bottle of whisky. I told the lady that it was my breakfast. She showed no surprise.)
The food was generous, though to be honest a bit austere at times. Apparently it had been devised by some nutritionist to give enough calories to get through the day. Well I have news for him - I didn't think there were enough calories to get through the day even sitting behind the driving wheel, though to be fair I have been occasionally accused of gluttony. Many times I heard mutterings from the ranks, on one occasion a chaperone hitched a lift to an Indian restaurant, and twice Joe and I had fish and chips.

Departure times were variable, the chaperones left a long time after the main field, confident that they would soon catch the slower riders who they would accompany. We would see them off and then return to the food tent to get in the way of the dismantling of the catering facility and generally fill ourselves up with more tea and toast. (Yes; I suppose the gluttony thing may be founded in truth.)
Then we would tidy up the van and minibus and try, often in vain, to get off the camp site, the exit of which would probably be obstructed by the slow progress of a huge articulated lorry or a convoy of toilet blocks on trailers.

We would follow the route taken by the cyclists, each junction very well marked by arrows on large cards. Never did we encounter any ambiguity; you couldn't get lost. Behind us was the van containing two people whose job it was to take down the signs and any other items to do with the ride so that we didn't leave any litter. It was very important to let this van know if we were going 'off-piste' as he could get in front of us and we would be unable to follow the route. I made a point of trying to know the route in advance but in urban areas the signs were essential.

After about 15 miles we would catch up the last cyclist on the road. It was very important that we didn't get in front of any cyclist, or that if we did as was inevitable due to road conditions, we tried to count how many we had behind us and make sure that we had seen them all pass before proceeding. I didn't worry about the chaperones being behind me as we were all in touch by mobile phone, and the chaperones were all chosen for their experience and self-reliance.

The first day was very windy and the riders had set off into the face of a veritable gale, but I was surprised that we had our first Broom Wagon duties on only the 23rd mile of the 1050 miles we would eventually cover. By the time we reached the Kyle of Sutherland for the first nights rest we had taken on several more 'customers' and a worrying trend was starting to emerge.
We had begun to pick up riders who were troubled by stomach cramps, sickness and diarrhoea. Over the next few days, the minibus went from Sag Wagon to Plague Wagon and Jeremy had a quite unpleasant time of it dealing with passengers who were very unwell. The van itself smelled and we all became very aware that we were very exposed to the risk of catching it ourselves. There didn't seem to be a Plan B for the case where all the Broom Wagon drivers were too ill to perform. While we all had our days of feeling a bit off colour, luckily it never quite came to that. I knew I was in a privileged position having bicycles for passengers rather than the cyclists themselves. Even the bikes themselves were objects of suspicion though and I have never washed my hands so often!
About a third of the way into each days ride we would encounter the first Pit Stop, a chance for riders to stretch their legs and have a drink and a bite to eat. The feeds were designed by our old friend the nutritionist. After a few days you realise that life with him would probably be a dull affair. Doesn't he ever put the kettle on for a cuppa, or get stuck into a cheeseburger with chips? Most of the cyclists I know do!
As a result of these pit stops I NEVER want to see another tortilla wrap again, or a packet of Jelly Dinosaurs. I started to turn yellow from a surfeit of bananas. Odd to think that bananas were such an exotic luxury just a few years ago. I am sick of the sight of them.

As the days unfolded we left the spartan wilds of Caithness far behind and via camps at Kyle of Sutherland, Fort William and East Kilbride we travelled the length of Scotland, seeing Glen Coe, Ben Nevis, Loch Ness, Urquhart Castle, the Caledonian Canal and Loch Lomond among other Scottish beauties. The weather got better, drier and warmer. This meant more midges, another great new experience.
These were big days too; several days in a row the riders covered 130 miles and the struggle to reach the evening stop repeated itself day after day. The chaperones became familiar with the same faces each day; the broom wagon drivers became familiar with the same backsides each day. Some notable heroes emerged such as Michelle who had vowed to cover the whole distance to raise £5000 for charity, Vaughan who wouldn't admit defeat either, many others who were getting weaker but seemingly more determined as we crossed the border to stay by Ullswater. The beautiful overnight stop in the Lake District was at the cost of a rude awakening as first light saw the last to arrive being first to leave as they tackled the majestic Kirkstone Pass before briefly riding on the east shore of Windermere.

Loch Linnhe
Fort William
East Kilbride
Ullswater
'Manchester'
Ludlow
'Cheddar'
Launceston
Land's End

I came home from the Ride Across Britain with the feeling that I had been lifted out of my normal life and placed down in a different world where nothing of my normal life existed any more. All of the old worries were, at worst, put on hold. This break from the tasks of everyday life was shatteringly exhausting. (And of course I wasn't even pedalling 130 miles per day!) It was by no means a holiday but the maxim that "A change is as good as a rest" couldn't have been truer.

The last day could have been an anti-climax.

It was. It was bound to be.

It was still a day of incredible pleasure as we made our way down to Sennen Cove for a hour or so of just sitting drinking coffee and wandering around the little fishing village with its short yellow beach and its famous lifeboat station, a new Tamar Class boat permanently poised on the sliding ways ready for the next rescue in the wild Atlantic.

The 'Neolithic'

The ‘Neolithic’ Marathon

One of the main fund raising events of the year for the Wiltshire Wildlife Trust is its annual 26 mile event from Avebury to Stonehenge. This is both a sponsored walk and a multi-terrain running race.

In 2003 my partner, Lynne and I walked the full distance. We were the first to start at about 6am and almost the last to finish but we had a very nice day strolling along through a variety of Wiltshire countryside. I was somewhat hampered by the fact that we had just returned from a walking holiday on the Isle of Man and whilst the airline had delivered us safely back to Bristol Airport it had seen fit to send my walking boots to Belfast instead. As all long distance runners will agree, you do need to be happy about your footwear. I found out that day what happens when you are not…

Shortly before the half-way point we began to be caught by the marathon runners; they had started several hours after us. Although I had run in races over the years, there was something about these madmen (and mad-ladies) that touched a nerve. I started to form a plan, which was that I would run in the marathon myself the next year.

The plan was not over-crowded with schemes to get fit in the preceding months. My records show me running the Slaughterford 9mile, (an excellent off-road mud-bath!) the Terminator (likewise, but 11 miles) and the London Half Marathon in the weeks before the big day. I continued to run in the hills around the University at Bath much as I had done for the previous twenty years, rather oblivious to fellow runners doing their weekend long runs to prepare for the London Marathon etc., and as for such technicalities as a ‘taper’… wassat? I also continued to enjoy such training aids as chips, long bicycle rides and freezing days in bird-watching hides. Still, with my malt & hop-derived muscle stimulant (aka beer), how can I go wrong?

On a rather misty May morning I find myself in the oddest bus queue of all time, all of Great Britain’s greatest eccentrics gathered together in one place and catching a bus from Stonehenge at dawn. We are taking advantage of the bus service which ferries runners (and walkers) from various finish points to their chosen point of starting. Obviously all the full marathon runners want to start in Avebury but to find their car waiting for them at Stonehenge. Most of the participants are just like me, but on our bus one runner stands out as somewhat more impressive. Together with his ‘buddy’ he is going to run 26 multi-terrain miles without the benefit of eyesight. I feel rather humble at that point!

The bus arrives in Avebury in very good time for the start and I am able to enjoy the normal good cheer which passes between competitors. To be fair this is the only time that I will see most of them.

Soon we are being hushed to hear the advice of the starter and the words of some dignitary who is probably saying what brave buffoons we all are; I can’t hear. On the other hand he may be telling us that his pit-bull terrier hasn’t been fed since Thursday and if we don’t leave Avebury immediately… Either way, we soon leave town and head out along the narrow road to the west and into a series of paths and tracks.

Upon reaching the main A4 we are hugely amused to discover half of the field approaching us from the opposite direction, so clearly some of the marshalling will be ‘iffy’! The road crossing at Beckhampton is well controlled though and we cross in safety and start along the path which will lead to the Marlborough Downs. This is a considerable climb which is mostly on field-edge tracks of the sort made ‘smooth’ by the passage of several dozen tractors each year. The top of this hill is the highest point in Wiltshire, Tan Hill at 294 metres, a climb of about 140m. from the start-line. Near the top, the ancient earthwork, Wansdyke is crossed, followed by a sharp drop and then a sharp climb to the hill-fort of Rybury Camp. There follows a tricky descent to the lane near All Cannings Cross. Here there are water and toilets, mostly for the benefit of the sponsored walkers.

The next section is a series of lowland tracks leading to the main street of All Cannings, a pretty thatched village where the villagers put on a feast of sausage sandwiches for the walkers. Next time I run I’ll carry money for one; it’ll be worth the time lost.

All Cannings is left behind as one plods through a not-very-nice quagmire caused by the route coinciding with the main commuter route for 200 Friesians. It doesn’t last for long though and there soon follows one of the few tarmac sections. It's nice easy running that feels madly fast after the off-road section. There’s some nice surfaced bridle-path and then a boggy section which includes a couple of stiles. At this point is something I have yet to encounter in any other running race. You cross a 125mph railway-line. “Stop, look and listen.” says the sign… Damned right you do!

More pleasant countryside passes and then suddenly the A342 is encountered. After this is crossed, the route is tarmac surfaced for nearly 2 miles. Don’t think this is some sort of holiday as in the distance can be seen Redhorn Hill, a 75 metre climb and a steep walk for most competitors.

At the top is a crowded area of tents and tea vans where most of the walkers will stop for a bite and a rest. Hard to drag myself past these attractions but apart from filling up my water bottle I don’t pause.

The route turns left here; ahead are army firing ranges. Our path is a shingle path of varying quality and often crowded with walkers and their dogs plus the vehicles of various participants all heading east in a voluntary one-way system. A place called Charlton Clumps is reached, the start of the half-marathon, and for us, the halfway point. There is a water station there and other ‘facilities’, plus the litter of 400 half-marathoners.

At times the road turns nasty and has a few climbs. These climbs seem visible from miles back so by the time you get to them, your resolve has melted away. However for every up there is a down and progress is made after all. One of the most significant climbs of the day comes after Casterley Camp, another Iron Age hill fort, at about 15 miles. The track climbs out of Water Dean Bottom. It’s an excuse for a walk for many. From the top of that climb though, the trend is generally downhill for the rest of the way to Wexland Farm where runners take a sharp right into the heart of the military training zone. The next four miles are, frankly, dull, very slightly uphill and quite featureless. At least along that section you can concentrate properly on the suffering. Eventually the junction with the old coach road appears though, where a left turn is made and a rather forlorn pub, the Bustard Inn, stands surrounded by a permanent caravan site and various military ‘street furniture’. Sadly the pub must be shunned on this occasion though I have been glad of its presence on many a cold winter’s day whilst cycling. Ahead of me I see Lynne, and her friend Debbie, walking in the sponsored walk from Redhorn Hill to Stonehenge. I can’t resist clowning and empty my water bottle over Lynne as I jog past.

The road becomes tarmac for a mile then the fast road to Larkhill is reached and the course takes to the grass track alongside. Soon a marshal sends us across the road and onto a private drive for a mile.

It is along this drive that a pile of very ancient rocks appears on the horizon for the first time and a grin replaces a grimace for the first time. The end is in sight. The last mile is an agony and an ecstasy and the last hundred yards a delirious dream. I achieve something for the first time in my life; I finish a marathon. Sitting down near the finish line I do something else for the first time in my life. I fall asleep in a public place. A marshal wakes me up to give me my finisher’s medal. I find the car and continue my snooze in the boot of the car.

The run has taken its toll. Somewhere at about the 18 mile point I had felt the pressure on my increasingly sore right foot ease off, accompanied by a damp feeling. A vast blister had burst. Both feet had suffered but the marathon has really exposed the weakness in my right foot and by the end I had lost three toe-nails. (To say I had lost them is a bit inaccurate. I knew precisely where they were – somewhere in my sock!)
With the benefit of hindsight I would have run in road shoes. I had run in off-road shoes, well suited to the Marlborough Downs section early in the race but hopelessly lacking in cushioning for the majority of the miles.

I took 4-22-35 to finish and a further 11 months to enter my next race, a doddle round the woods called the Chedworth Roman Trail.

The Neolithic is no place to be if you want to do a ‘personal best time’ and some aspects of it lack the polish of events run by experienced running clubs, but over the years it is improving. It remains one of my most cherished memories. I’m sure I will run in it again one day, hopefully soon.